African girlfriend… Pastor Ken…

25 Aug


…thinking of events in West Africa during 2008. I had been doing the usual rounds of Bars and Nightclubs in Freetown with my African girlfriend, “Princess”, a woman so beautiful she could have easily held her own on the catwalks of Paris and Milan had she been granted the good fortune to have been born into different circumstances.

We had returned to my room in the small hours that weekend and after the obligatory sex had drifted off to sleep to the ever present Drumming and Humming of the Huge Paddle-Shaped ceiling fan above our bed. The next morning I awoke to the sound of Princess taking a shower, and I knew it would not be too long before she was pestering me to get up and do the same…

I did not want to face the world that morning but somehow I did, and took my shower to the sound of Princess Singing and Dancing her way around our room to the pulsating and belting beat of her happy clappy Gospel music that was emanating from the television set in the corner of the room. I had totally forgotten it was Sunday.

Princess was getting high on one of her favorite TV Shows “Pastor Ken” How I hate Pastor Ken! You see, Princess as a child had been abused by her family who had allowed her to be brainwashed by that most evil breed of adventurer “The Missionary” and the result was now singing and dancing around me as I tried to dress.

As I pulled on a pair of trainers my mind drifted back to the previous Monday when, during a walk around the market, I had been approached by a young African boy who wanted to sell me a 9mm Glock handgun complete with a spare clip that was fully loaded. I had declined his offer but was now regretting it. How I wish I could drive down to the venue from which this bullshit broadcast was coming and terminate Pastor Ken’s command!

I too was an adventurer, but unlike this perverted breed of criminal I was never in pursuit of Conformity, Compliance and or Financial Contributions. No my life was very simple; I was a White Hunter on safari in Sub-Saharan Africa. My mission was to find a new partner who was Black, Beautiful and under 30 years of age. Someone who would make Naomi Campbell look like “Plain Jane”. How easy was that? Very simple.

I was into a pastime that has grown in popularity enormously over the past decade and is sometimes confused with sex tourism. Sex tourism in Africa is also known in some quarters as “Sub-Saharan Sport F*ck*ng”. There is no shortage of wannabe Team Members, a situation dictated by poverty.



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