Alfie – Everything changes – except my expectations!

28 Dec

I last posted here on Christmas Eve – 4 days ago as I type this now on the 28th, though it seems longer – mainly because there were only a handful of people at work with me that day, nothing of an I.T. nature went wrong and it wasn’t worth starting any projects given that I was told that we could be going home at mid-day if the major supermarket chains got their fingers OUT and their orders IN without delay.

Actually it was nearer 3 p.m. by the time I had pushed the last supplementary order for lemon mousse (or something of the sort) through the computer system to the factory but that’s two hours better than normal so I mustn’t complain!

From then on it’s been a normal busy Christmas for me in the Alfie household – washing up, peeling potatoes and endlessly repeating the rules to  various card games to my Mother-in-Law despite the fact that they’re the same bloody games we’ve been playing with her for the last 33 christmases now!

So, basically, not a minute to even check the old Hotmail let alone write anything for this place. Until today that is when I descended into Sumpnado Hub (a strange underground cavern which by some weird dimensional anomaly is simultaneously beneath properties in Dorset, Cambridgeshire and Thailand!) and discovered to my amazement that I had been promoted!

It is only about two weeks ago that my long-winded comments  to other people’s work were seen to have some virtue of their own and I was appointed an “Author”; now it seems that I am an “Editor” with the power to do anything with the site except delete it! I seriously don’t know what I did to deserve that but thanks anyway “Boss”.

If only my rise through the ranks of Barclays had been as high and as rapid I’d be one of the people keeping VERY quiet about the amounts of their bonuses about now! In this case I don’t believe that there has been a payrise at all  – after all even a 100%  rise from zero is still ZERO!  

I can, however, report that over the last few days I have become better equipped to do the job, having acquired a cute little HP Mini notebook computer which just about fits in a big coat pocket and does not require (as its predecessor did) a dirty great rucksack to tote it about!

I can now write anywhere!

It does, however, lack two things:

1. Some sort of spongy neoprene zip-up case to protect it from the elements, gravity, clumsiness etc.

2. A DVD reader/writer – it being WAY too small to be able to accommodate such a thing.

So this morning I wended my merry way over to  a certain part of Peterborough and a large computer store which (for the sake of anonymity) I shall call PC W*rld to purchase said extras in their “January sales”.

I must admit it has been a while and I’d forgotten my previous experiences of shopping there!

The things I wanted were either not in the sale, or if they were they had sold out of them yesterday! And the full price items were a good 25% over the equivalent on-line price and less functional older models to boot!

A former colleague of mine who knows much more about computers than I do used to delight in going to PC W*rld at weekends and asking technical questions of the “Saturday Boys” . When they got it wrong he’d just say loudly  “You’re an idiot!” and walk out of the shop!  I’m not that rude and accepted that they really didn’t know if any more would be coming in.

I just went down the road to Argos for item 1) then went home and ordered 2) from good old Amazon while remembering the advertising jingle I composed especially for them a few years ago:

“PC W*rld – we never fail to disappoint you!”  

At least they didn’t give me the ONE answer that WOULD  have made me foul and abusive:

“I’m sorry but there’s no demand for that!”

To which my response has been known to be:

“Well what am I then, effing Scot’s Mist?”

Alfie

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