Alfie: Time Lord technology in Westminster?

15 Mar

I don’t often dip my toe into the exceedingly murky waters of politics but I actually watched a political news item on the BBC last night.

I wasn’t paying attention at first because it seemed to concern the Labour Party getting all sanctimonious and self-righteously critical about the Government’s forthcoming Budget.

While it would be nice to have a reasonable and effective opposition at present I don’t believe the bunch of monkeys that were responsible for the deep doo-doo we find ourselves  in have yet earned the right to criticise (even if they HAVE changed leaders to try and hide that fact) any attempt to put things right.

I did, however, notice a couple of things.

Firstly, the Shadow Chancellor of the Exchequer, Ed Balls (crazy name, crazy guy!), appears most definitely to be concealing the fact that he knows naff all about national finances by grinning like an idiot and trying to be funny!

Well, it works for Ricky Gervais I suppose but it doesn’t convince ME that Mr B has any “substance”!

And then they moved onto his Leader, Ed Miliband!

Can I at this point interject that members of my family actually HIT me when I suggested that Labour chose these two to lead them on the principle that “Two Eds are better than one”!

Anyway, back at the BBC news Mr Miliband began to speak and as he did so a strange thing happened.  My attention wandered and while I knew he was speaking and wanted to listen I simply couldn’t focus on him. I even noticed that my head was actually turning away from the screen against my will!

At first the only explanation I could think of was that the man simply had absolutely NO personality at all but when I discussed it on the phone with my younger daughter (and fellow Doctor Who fan) later in the evening she offered another possibility.

Ed Miliband has his own personal “Perception Filter” – for the uninitiated that’s the “Doctor Who” device that stops people noticing a 1960s Police Telephone Box materialising all over the place!

I watched a later news bulletin to check this out and, sure enough, my eyes kept sliding away from him! Definitely a Perception Filter!

If that IS so then I would suggest to him that someone leading a major political party and aspiring to high office should WANT to be noticed rather than having people’s attention slipping away when he’s speaking!

Take my advice Ed Miliband, give the thing to Mr Balls – I’m sure the public won’t mind in the least missing out on HIS stupid grin and facile pronouncements!


P.S. If my family think the “two Eds” gag was awful, just wait until I tell them that I think that Ed and David’s lesser known brother Glenn Miliband would have made a better leader. The whole country would then have been “in the mood” for another Labour Government!



3 Responses to “Alfie: Time Lord technology in Westminster?”

  1. Vincent March 15, 2011 at 9:34 pm #

    I am indebted to the late, great Alan Coren for the observation, “I don’t hold with these new-fangled metric politicians like Ed and David Miliband – give me the good old imperial politicians, like Michael Foot!”

  2. Alfie March 16, 2011 at 10:58 am #

    Obviously the words “I suppose” in the sentence about Mr Gervais didn’t convey my intent very clearly. I also don’t see his appeal – “The Office” left me cringing rather than laughing and I didn’t bother with any subsequent work of his because of that.
    I was surprised to find that, having enjoyed all John Cleese had done up to that point, I experienced much the same feeling over “Fawlty Towers” – I just didn’t “get it”.
    This discussion has given me the inspiration for a Little Alfie piece about humour – it’s been over a month since I did anything there.

  3. Alfie March 17, 2011 at 6:29 pm #

    From my 198cm viewpoint it isn’t the height above ground of aeroplane seats etc. that is the problem! It’s the fact that when I’m sitting in one the distance from the juncture of the seat and seatback to the rear of the seat ahead of me is, on average, about 4 inches less than the length of my thighs from bum to knee! Consequently I either have to rely on random chance giving me an emergency exit seat (which have extra legroom) or pay an extra 30 quid to guarantee it! I call this wanton discrimination against tall people “Apart Height”!

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