Vincent on… A Tiger Walks

1 Nov

So this American nut-job acquires fifty-odd wild animals for his own private zoo – then frees them and blows his head off. And in short order, the trigger-happy cops turn up and the whole thing turns into the last reel of “Bonnie And Clyde” – so who’s to blame?

Well, obviously the “owner” (I use parentheses, since the true term SHOULD be “carer”) – but by all accounts he was a (now what’s the word? …rhymes with punt). And his wife does not appear to be much further up the food chain – she’s currently trying to regain possession of the few beasts who were lucky enough to escape the massacre.

According to their neighbours, the couple are gun-nuts as well.

However, the cops do not escape blame either. A number of the animals were simply standing – confused – by their cages when the pigs opened fire, hiding behind “public safety” (well, I suppose it makes a change from “security” – the usual reason they cite for inhuman behaviour).

But the real villains here are the legislators who allow ordinary people to have “exotic pets” in the first place.

Americans LOVE ’em. It is said there are more tigers in Texas than there are in India. I live in Thailand and we are supposed to have them – although the only example I ever came across was a cute baby one I ended up bottle-feeding, on my lap.

But that’s the point, don’t you see? Tigers, lions, chimps and others ARE cute – when they’re YOUNG. But as Nature runs its course, they get BIGGER. And if you piss off a fully-grown chimp, it’ll rip your FACE off. Pound for pound, they’re WAY stronger than humans. As for tigers…

Then there are alligators. In the Thirties, people kept baby ones in tanks… Oh, sorry – that was a gag item in a local newspaper, written on a slow news day, that spread and entered Urban Myth. There are NO alligators in New York’s sewers.

However, “dangerous” animals ARE kept as pets all over America (again, I use parentheses – “dangerous” is a subjective term – I am a dangerous animal, if you are a mosquito) – and other “developed” countries.

This SHOULD NOT BE. Wild animals should be given their own bit of the wild – and left ALONE.

It’s no use blaming them for doing what comes naturally.

A water buffalo was about to cross a river, when a scorpion asked if it could ride over, on its back. The water buffalo replied that it didn’t want to get STUNG. But the scorpion pointed out if it did that, they would BOTH drown. And so the buffalo agreed to ferry it.

Halfway across, the buffalo felt a sharp prick in its back.

“Why did you do that? Now we will both DROWN.”

“Sorry – it’s in my nature.”


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